It was still bothering me, this rift between us regarding spending, so I asked one of my closest friends, Zizi. I asked her to rate me 1 - 10 for being cheap, and rate herself. She rated me 1, and rated herself 7-8. She told me her haircuts were also in the $50 range, and she spent $60 on food that day. The thing is, I don't even feel like Zizi is on another socioeconomic plane, but Zizi spends the same as (I think) Ms. Zun, so logically speaking, I shouldn't be thinking that Ms. Zun is above me, socioeconomically. Or maybe I should start thinking that Zizi is socioeconomically above me. Either or. But either way, I'm still the one who is too cheap, and I've been unfairly almost persecuting Ms. Zun for her spending. I began to realize maybe normal people spend like that, and it's just me who's cheap as fuck. Why am I so cheap? I've never fully dissected why I am before. I think the first thing is that I see my parents work so hard for money. They own a restaurant called Dragon Fried Rice House, and have been working there for...8-9 years now. Holy crap, it's been a while. They work 14 hour days, and at first they worked 6 days a week. Now they're working 4 days a week because their health is on the decline. All the money they bring back home is traded with their health. It's blood money, with the blood of my parents on it. Every dollar I spend, I equate it with the pain they went through to get the money. Maybe that's a reason why I'm so stingy with the money. Sometimes I get... jealous? I see other parents take it easy, coming back from a 9-5 job, watching TVB, laughing. They haven't gone through what my parents have gone through, and yet they are able to derive more pleasure in life than my parents currently. I don't think it's fair. Well, I'm not saying that those parents watching TVB haven't worked hard. I'm sure if they're rich, they have put in effort to get there, but their effort is channeled intellectually, and not through physical exertion, like running a restaurant. They haven't had the physical pains of working hard for such a long period of time. My mother has grown heel spurs from walking around so much, and she can't even travel anymore because of the walking. It is for their future pleasure that I vow to myself to make a shit tonne of cash. I'll let them enjoy the things they were never able to enjoy before because they were too busy working to put me through life.
Another reason why I'm so stingy is because I don't currently have a secure source of income. I don't know when I will have a secure source of big income, so I'm currently saving up a lump sum for whatever the future holds in store for me. So far, I have $20k saved up in my TFSA, invested in indices, and I am not going to ever touch it or withdraw from it for money. I have a 1 year gig in Korea lined up, going to be making $22 an hour, but I'd only work 3 hours a day, so overall, not big money either. Then after that, I'd probably do a Masters, which will provide very little income, if any. And only after that will I be entering a full time position somewhere, with a minimal starting wage. It looks like I'll be making shit cash for years to come. Maybe I should be like Ms. Zun and have some piano kids for my own. She charges $40/hr, which is a pretty decent wage. I gotta say I respect her for her enterprise. I respect people who create their own opportunities.
Ah, I'm going off on a tangent again. I can't seem to focus on solely why I'm a cheapo. Maybe it's also because I currently don't have a job, and I should be looking for one. If I have a regular source of income, then I probably be willing to spend, because I know I'll get some more down the road. When will I stop being stingy? Well, if I actually manage to date Ms. Zun, I'm gonna be pretty much #Yolo with my money. But I'll #yolo in a smart way though. Still not gonna spend $1.8k on a god damn Gucci purse. I'll never do that, and I don't think Ms. Zun is that type of girl anyway. I guess I gotta ask her.
I'll also be willing to spend more if I make more. So I need to get a decent job, and guess what I've been worrying about for the past ever? Getting a good job! I can always feel the pressure, the pressure of me failing to get a good job and unable to achieve my dream. Failing to have a great family, to marry the perfect girl, to provide my kids with everything they need to excel in life, to provide my parents, and my wife's parents, of a wonderful retirement. #cruiseship everyday for them. I can't fail. I only have one life. If I fail, I can't even restart like people do in video games. I swear to god, I'm gonna get stomach cancer or some shit from all this worry >.> And then it wouldn't even matter if I make money or not. I guess it'll relieve the pressure though, but then I'll be faced with just a small problem called dying. No big deal. So what's the TL;DR version of this whole blurb? Ms. Zun and Zizi do not spend too much, I just spend too little, and my expectations of expenditure is not realistic. It's way too low, and I shouldn't hold people up to my fucked up standards of spending. Ms. Zun, I'm sorry. Zizi, thank you. Ms. Zun, thank you as well for giving me the drive to fight against my probable shitty future. I'll do another whole article on why you're important. But for now, thank you.
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