Moar rage n whatnot

Lol this is good therapy, gotta admit it. So yeah, obviously the only reason why I ever post here these days is because I need to vent my frustration and confusion, and this post is gonna be no different. So I'll save y'all some time and just tell you that up front, so you don't have to read the whole post for anything meaningful. With that out of the way, let the ranting begin! Oh yeah, I actually learned about the infinite banking concept, and I shall write another post just on that topic. But this post itself is just purely going to be me ranting.
inb4mszun

Lol, yes, it's about her again. So, what's bothering me about this whole thing lately? Well...

1. I suggested to her that as a potential activity together, we could go see the Mythbusters, who are coming to UBC. I had the feeling she kinda brushed it aside. But now she found out some of her friends are going, she also wants to go now. Ouch. Well, I don't know if the situation is like how I described it. That's just my interpretation. Objectively, I have stated the fact that we could go see the Mythbusters. I have left it there. There was no response received from her about this idea. Time passed. She then yesterday informed me that she might be going to Mythbusters after all. The end. I interpret this as her wanting to go, but not wanting to go with me. Which is totally a valid interpretation of the events, if you ask me. Well, maybe it's just because I'm still new in her life and she doesn't feel comfortable with going to Mythbusters with me, but it makes me sad nonetheless.

2. Via text, I texted her whether she was available Monday or Tuesday evening for a dinner or coffee. That was... last night. It's been 18  hours, and she still hasn't responded to my text. So our convo ended with me msging her like 4 times via text in quick succession. Today, I was also the one who sent the first message. Well, I actually promised her yesterday that I'll send her my cake pics, but still, I pretty much broke allllllll the rules for the texting game. I doubly texted her before she even replied to my first set of texts. 나어똫게? What should I do? Man, why does she have to be so perfect, at least from initial interactions that's my view of her. If she was less perfect and less of a quality gal, I wouldn't even care what happened. Look at Ms. Y, the super hot Chinese girl that's studying right now. I forgot all about her lol. She had the looks, but we didn't connect like I connected with Ms. Zun. Literally, I have never met someone like this Ms. Zun in all of 23 years of my life, and I really don't want to spend another 23 years looking for another girl like her. I sound desperate don't I? Well, let's say you won the jackpot for $10 million dollars, and all that's standing between you and the money is a skill testing question. But guess what? That skill testing question is a fucking physical chemistry question on thermodynamics which requires the use of multivariable calculus to get the answer. You're so close, yet so far! That's exactly how I feel! Of course Ms. Zun is worth much more than $10 mil to me, and some could argue that this test I'm going through is harder than the multivariable calculus question.

So at this stage, I'm going through emotional ups and downs, lots of em, and delta amplitude between the ups and downs is pretty large, to be honest. I don't think I've ever felt this way in a hella long time, and I don't like how my emotions fluctuate like this. It ain't right. Being in love really is bothersome. I guess I just gotta take it one day at a time, because there is no way in hell I can control the future, or know what the future has in store, so I just have to make the best moves I can in the moment, and hopefully those moves would lead to a better future.

As much of an objective observation as I can make, I think that she isn't talking with me as much as before. We still have bursts of chatting, but it feels (ah shit, I used the word feel, which has no place in an objective analysis) like she's limiting herself when it comes to chatting with me.

Let's say this feeling is correct, and that she IS limiting herself when it comes to me. Why would she doe such a thing?

a) She could be cautious, and doesn't want to get herself too emotionally attached to me before she figures out if I'm worth it or not. (Best case scenario, because it means she's sensible).

b) She was repulsed by my fucking shenanigans on the first date, and she doesn't want to deal with me anymore, but she doesn't have the heart to tell me to go the fuck away, but she wants to, so she's passive-aggressively keeping her distance away from me in hopes I'll get bored or something and move on. (Worst case scenario, because it means I lost the game.)

c) Is there even a C? I guess there is. Maybe I'm just over analyzing everything, and she's just busy, and can't answer me back. But I call bullshit on that, because how busy can someone be not to reply back with a "Monday evening is good!" or "I can't for both days." Following this train of thought, if she really liked me back, she would be happy that I extended an invitation for a second date, and she wouldn't hesitate much to give me a confirmation for one of those days. If she is still cautious, and still forming an opinion on me, she'll take her time in responding (maybe), so this could be the case. I guess if she doesn't wanna be with me, she COULD flat out say it, but I don't think it's her style. She could keep on declining dates indefinitely as a passive-aggressive way to tell me to gtfo, which she hasn't done, and hopefully she'll never do. She could just ignore my invites all together as an even more passive aggressive way of telling me to gtfo, which could be what she's doing now.

I'm just thinking about what I could have done wrong. Did I seem too needy? I don't think so. I mean, I don't even text her that often. I always leave big gaps for when I text her (8 hours
Maybe it's not me. Maybe I'm doing everything right, but it's just that she's just too shy and inexperienced with this whole dating thing, and she's playing it cautious. Which is actually what I want, because I don't want some girl who just goes for anyone. I want her to have high standards too, and I want to meet those standards too.

Lol side note, I'm glad I'm like this after I'm grad, cuz srsly, this shit would have affected my marks for suuuuuuure. Can't concentrate or anything.

And also, I think some people have like G8 summits with their best buds when tackling matters of the heart. I use to, but now I want to deal with this one alone... well, more alone than I would have in the past. I can't always rely on others for relationship help. I have to eventually know how to deal with problems myself, so I'll just start that process now.