Should I date again?

It's a funny feeling, not having someone to chase after anymore. I don't like it. When I had Ms. Zun in my crosshairs, my search was actually over, and I had moved on to taking down the prey. But now she's out of the picture for now, and I have to go back to searching again, which is the worst part. It's terribly hard to find great girls, and I always feel the pressure of trying to find one before I'm like 30 and practically ready to retire. It literally took me a solid 1.5-2 years of online dating to find this Ms. Zun. I don't like that track record at all. Very very worrisome.

I remember when I was with my ex, and we were like 1 year into our relationship, I felt at peace and satisfied. I felt like a whole person. It's because I didn't have to worry about trying to look for "The One", because I was already with my ex. I had doubts sometimes whether she was the one or not, but most of the time I was happy with her. She was someone I could be close with emotionally and physically. I guess I miss that aspect, having someone whom I get to share everything with, someone whom I can just love with all my heart without it being overwhelming or overbearing for the other person.

Now I don't have anybody like that in my life. But it's a trade-off. When I was with my ex, she was my everything, and I was pretty much her everything. That meant that I didn't really have much of a social life outside of spending time with my ex. Now I have a lot more friends I hang out with, and I've become closer with my friends, which is awesome. But I don't have anyone where I can slap her on the ass and call her beautiful lol.

Can I live my life without someone whom I can be super close to and whom I can pour my heart out to? Probably, because I'm living right now. Would I feel complete? I don't feel complete right now. I know what it's like to have an intimate relationship and I miss that feeling. I think if I were to find someone else, I'd feel whole again. This feeling of wholeness... I don't think it's necessary for me to succeed in life and make a lot of money... but it would sure make me happier and more peaceful, and that's also a measure of success in life as well, besides money.

Is the fact that I miss having an intimate relationship enough reason for me to date just anyone decent? I am not sure... let's pro and con this out.

Pros for dating a girl who's decent, but not necessarily fully wifey material:
-someone to share thoughts and feelings with
-someone to get physically intimate with
-someone for me to love and care for

Cons for dating the above girl:
-will break up eventually due to the fact that I wouldn't want to marry them
-will get emotionally destroyed due to breakup
-all resources, like time and money, spent on relationship will be for naught, shitty return on investment, plus you gotta factor in the opportunity cost as well of the resources spent

So I guess I'd be sacrificing present money and time for present physical and emotional gratification. The alternative would be for me not to date, so I'd save money, and the time I could spend somewhere else more productive, but I wouldn't experience that intimacy again.

Overall, I don't know. What a great conclusion haha.

Day Something: still lovesick.

Dunno how many days has gone by since I've met this person. I don't know why this event has struck me the way it has. Well, maybe I do. It's just hard to think about other stuff right now without thinking about her. I think I'll refer to her as her from now on.

Just wanted to type this out to help me to go to sleep. Came back from a fairly fun evening with some friends. We did a ramen party, had a ramen cook-off. I tried to emulate what I ate at Hida Takayama, which was their sesame ramen. I did a ground beef + carmalized onion mix, but there wasn't enough soup stock nor sesame flavour, so my ramen pretty much failed. Looked like:

I didn't make it to the top 3... but I thought it still tasted good. Maybe I'm just partial lol. We then made and ate cream puffs, played DDR, Super Smash Bros Brawl, Monopoly (I lost due to unlucky landing on Boardwalk), and Resistance. She messaged me with pics of her event. She got to see Adam and Jamie from the Mythbusters. How this whole thing turned out makes me quite sad. Ideally in a perfect world, I would have gone with her to that event. Maybe if I had more skill I could have made it happen. Economically, this event is a sunk cost, with the cost being emotion, so I shouldn't even dwell on it, but at the same time, it's good for athletes to look back at their previous games and learn from mistakes... so I guess I'll do that now...

If I asked her directly to go with me...

1. If she was already gonna go with friends, she'd be forced to reject my offer. 

2. If she wasn't going to go, and she doesn't wanna go with me, another reject.

3. If she wants to go and would be alright with going with me, then she would have accepted.

I think at the point where I'd ask, she wouldn't have been comfortable with going out to that event with me so it would have just been a rejection, probably in the form of ignoring. 

I kind of feel that me constantly asking her out makes me feel desperate, but at the same time though, if I don't ask her out to do stuff, who will, right? 

Well, the most important thing is, she seemed to have fun today, and she shared her photos on FB, and with me privately on FB msg. I saw it and didn't respond til I got back home at like 12:30 am, which is 5 hours. I think it's fine, because the lil wait time will bolster up the image of me being independent and not absolutely bat shit crazily deeply entrenched in the possibility of being with her. Sigh.

Kinda feel sleepy now, but it's good. I don't want to stay up thinking about her, because I need to sleep. I'd probably dwell on what I should do for the next date. The fact that she still is talking to me suggests that she doesn't want me to disappear from her life. She keeps me around, so I must have some value to her. She sees something in me that's worth talking to me. My god I feel like a pet or a dog. See? This is bad. This is like... clingy desperation shit, but I don't want to be this way. But is this way true love? Like, would girls be turned on by this "devotion" or turned off by this "clingy shit"? I have no idea. Playing all of this by ear.

BTW, spending a lot more time with females, IE: The girls today at the Ramen cook off. They're nice girls, but they are no where near the complete package that She brings to the table. Bench marking Her like no tmrw, and she's passing with flying colours.

Well, just to think, me and Her, we have a differential in what we're feeling for one another. I think my job is to equalize the playing field by either me feeling less for her, or her feelings more for me. I like the latter option better. Maybe she still wants to know me better. I'll design a Q&A session with her for the 3rd date. I also have to design a way to ask her again for the next date without sounding like, "Yo, I'm available 24/7, 365 days of the year for you. Pick a day, and I'll be there for you." cuz that's just clingy. But I feel that way, and I don't know if I should or not. What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. Lol j/k. 

I'll think of something. I always do. 

The most banal post ever.

Nothing much. Just wanted to say that there is a never-before-seen meteor shower tonight:

http://www.extremetech.com/extreme/183007-tonights-brand-new-meteor-shower-could-turn-into-a-1000-meteors-per-hour-storm



Ms. Zun loves meteor showers, so I asked her if she was available tonight. I mentioned the meteor shower, then I mentioned if she was free tonight from like 11pm to 1am. I'm pretty sure anyone can figure out that I'm asking her out to see the meteor shower. My plan is to drive her down to McDonald Park in Abbotsford. It's a Dark Sky Park, and basically by law, they limit the light there for astronomical reasons. Favourite place for casual astronomers to go to observer meteor showers.

I predict that she won't answer me all day. It's how things are sometimes. I think I could have asked her in a better way, now that I think about it, but it's too late now. The message is sent. The better way I think would be something like, " So, are you going to see the meteor shower with your friends tonight, or are you gonna skip tonight?" If she says she'll skip, then I could ask her if she wanted to go with me. If she says she will go with her friends, then I'd be like, have fun. The way I asked her was indirect... too indirect... too pussy. It's like I'm giving her a chance to say no. But I think I should give her a chance to say no. I don't want to pressure her into being with me if she doesn't want to... right? But what kind of mindset is that? Oh, I don't know if she wants to be with me. I don't know if she has fun with me. I should be thinking, I'm da shit. Of course she has fun with me, and of course she wants to be with me. I don't know if that way of thinking is thinking with confidence, or just being plain cocky. I have to keep it in a balance.

But I can't go back on this invite, and the way I invited her. It'll probably not go through. But, I think I did the right thing by proactively inviting her out. Like, she won't make the move, ever. So it's up to me to keep on bringing her out with me to places and for me to arrange times for us to spend together. Better to try and fail than to not try at all, am I right? I think I'm right.

And as long as I keep making the right decisions day by day, I can't blame myself if things fail, because if I've done the best I can to control the controllables, IE: my own actions, then it's not my fault if stuff goes wrong.

Anyway, we'll see how the game pans out.

And also, I promised my sweet Lord that if things work out with me and this Ms. Zun, and if we end up being together... I'm converting. LOL.

"Volunteering" - the most misleading term ever

This is just me letting off some steam. Volunteering is to willingly work at an organization without being paid. And I thought, growing up, that volunteering is "voluntary", because that's the root of the word. So I never bothered to volunteer in highschool, and in university. I thought that the experience I get from working would be similar to experiences gotten from volunteering. And in a way... it's true. You improve your interpersonal skills no matter if you're working or if you're volunteering. But I have found out too late that if you want to get into health care related fields, you'd have to volunteer. It's mandatory. Volunteering is involuntary and compulsory, which goes entirely against the spirit of volunteering. Like, volunteering should be done with the intent of helping people without any personal gain. But if entering the health care field is set up in such a way that it makes volunteering a requirement to get into public health care programs, then people would volunteer with the intent of making it into the programs they want to join, and not necessarily with the intent to help people.

Don't get me wrong, there are nice people out there who volunteer for the right reasons, and they get into med school or whatnot for the right reasons. But there are also those who volunteer for the sake of getting into programs, and not to help people. I must say, now that I look back on it, I'd probably be a wrong person to enter the public health field... I think. I'm not sure. I'm certainly a kind person... but I don't know if you can call me selfless in that I'll be willing to help anyone. I'm selfless for my family, and maybe my close friends, but I certainly won't give much thought about the troubles of strangers, which is basically the spirit of public health, right? Public health requires you to be concerned for the well being of strangers. And I guess since I haven't volunteered, I don't know the degree of my concern for the  misfortunes of people I don't know.

But whatever the case is, no one told me volunteering was a must to get into the public health field, so now I'm like a fish out of water if I want to pursue that field. I've still got the pharmaceutical business/sales, and I still got bioinformatics. I'm not exactly dead yet, and I'll keep fighting for myself and for the person I'll eventually marry.

Confidence. Where does it come from?

From reading some of my posts, you may have come to the conclusion that I am a confident individual. And yes, I am a confident individual. Now, convolutionx, where did you get your confidence from, and is it warranted? Do you even have a right to be confident? Well, I'll answer that question. I believe I am confident for several reasons.

I think one big reason is because I am aware of my competency in life in general, and it's pretty high. More often than not, when I put my head down and just work, I achieve pretty great results. A big part of my confidence booster was doing the Southwestern Internship. I did this during my first 2 summers of my university life. The premise of the internship is to do door to door sales of educational books, take their orders, order the books wholesale from the company, and then deliver it to your customers. For my first summer, I made a little over $10k in one summer.

But I worked long hours during both summers though. 13.5 hour days, 6 days a week for 14 weeks was how long I worked. I did pretty well, even though I had no sales experience, so that gave me confidence that if I survived doing that, I can do anything in life well if I set my mind to it. In case you're wondering how I did for my second summer, I didn't do nearly as well, and I made an embarrassing amount. But, that second summer I can argue I learned more about myself than my first summer. I learned how to persevere in the face of failure. I learned I had what it takes to wake up after 4 days of no sales, and go out there in the rain, and knock on that first door with a big smile on my face. I learned that I didn't make excuses, and I didn't pussy out of doing the program and just go home. I learned that I can keep commitments. I committed to finish the summer, and that's exactly what I did. So that's just my Southwestern experience. I tried jewellery sales at Reid Jewellery in Metrotown with 0 gem experience, and I did pretty well. I did a co-op gig as a lab tech with no prior experience, and I ended up being a rockstar, after a period of failure though. I guess the only blemish to my achievements would be my academic record. I don't exactly have jaw dropping marks, but this last year, I managed to turn things around. Averaging 1 standard deviation about the averages for most of my classes.

Another small thing that people overlook is whenever you make a promise, you keep your word and you do it. If you're use to the fact that whatever you say is transmuted into action and reality, you'll have more confidence in your words.

A superficial reason why I'm confident is that I have a pretty nice body. I know, it's superficial, but it still makes me feel confident. Why does it give me confidence? I'm not too sure. I mean, no one is gonna see it anyway. Maybe it's because I know I have something that other people strive to get but don't have. It's like I have pocket aces up my sleeve, and I'm the only one who knows that. Here's some pics, and no, I don't even post this crap on my facebook or anywhere else. You guys have the exclusives to pics of my bod lololol. You should feel honored, all you random-ass guests who somehow arrived on this page from who knows where.

But I think the biggest reason why I am confident is because when it comes down to it, I don't care about what most people think, especially strangers. I mean, do those strangers know me as a person? Nope. Therefore, with incomplete information, their drawn up conclusions about who I am as a person will be incomplete as well and not valid. Plus, my self worth is not based on what other people think of me. It's based on what I think about myself, and I love myself. This frees me to do whatever I want with no worry, and a lack of worry about how others perceive me, in a sense, is confidence. I guess real confidence is knowing the fact that whatever you do, you know people will have a good perception of you. Maybe my confidence is less legit version, but I'm slowly getting there, to the legit version of confidence.

So just to summarize:
1. Be competent
2. Do what you say you're gonna do.
3. Have a body you can be proud of.
4. Give no shits about what others think about you. Remember, there is only 1 person who determines your self worth, and that person is you.

Apollo, we have liftoff!

Well guys, I did it. I asked Ms. Zun out. I think she agreed to go out with me, though she didn't specifically say that. Here is how I asked her out. Maybe you can learn something from what I did. Maybe there are also things that I could have done better, so feel free to leave a comment about what you think.

 Basically it was during one of our typical lengthy Facebook chats when I asked her out, officially. It stemmed from when Ms. Zun revealed that she put some poor guy in the friendzone for two years, and it was because he wasn't upfront about how he felt about her. So I heard that, and I was like, yo screw this shit. #Yolo

 So I picked an opportune time during the chat to ask her out. Basically, I won't get into the extent nor the entirety of what I said, but I was upfront and confident. I told her that she was pretty, smart, funny, and I haven't met anyone else whom I had such a connection with. I told her that I was dating for 2 years, and I've never found anyone who I could date for more than 2-3 times. I also straight up told her, "Here's the game plan. Well, here's MY gameplan, and you can have whatever game plan you want." I then told her I was planning to take her out on a Foodie Tour, as well as go to the UBC Alumni weekend with the special guests, Adam Savage and Jame Hyneman. Then, I said that actually, there was one girl who I was able to click so much with, and she turned out to be my girlfriend for 3 years.

To diffuse that almost cocky remark that she was going to be my girlfriend, I told her that I wasn't telling her what to do. If during the first date she decides she doesn't like me and wants to pour a beverage over my head, she's free to do that. I'd even bring her a drink menu, help her pick the best beverage, and I'll even pay for it in the end. See, I showed confidence, and I plainly told her what I expect and what I want, but I negative sold it with the part about giving her freedom to dump drinks on my head. However, I did not give the choice of not even going on a first date with me. That would be disastrous for me.

 What did she say? She said I was very blunt about it, but she prefers it WAY (yes, all caps) more than if she had to guess, because she never would be able to. She also said I was pretty special too, and veeeery (that's right, 4 e's. It's legit) few guys are like me. (I set a good impression =D). Lastly, she said she has tonnes of random cravings, and things she wants to do/watch, "but guys who can also do some planning...thank you jesus." So I guess that's a yes.

We haven't set a specific time yet though, because we both have finals, and speaking of finals, I have to get studying again, but I just want to record what happened for posterity. I'm looking forward to the first date, and I have something up my sleeve, if executed right, will propel me light years from the boundaries of the friend zone. Wanna know what it is? Stick around for my next post =P

The date

So I had a meetup/date with Ms. Y. It went really well, I think. She was very pretty for sure, but I wasn't nervous at all. I owned the date like I own interviews. I think she was more nervous than me at first for some reason haha. Maybe it was because I was in my favourite Calvin Klein blue dress shirt. I did look pretty spiffy, if I must say so myself. I gotta. No amount of money can buy another first impression, so I gotta do it right the first time. I also had two shots of YSL La Nuit de l'Homme fragrance as well. Two shots is pretty conservative, because the general consensus is 3-4 shots would be good, but I didn't want to make the smell obvious. I wanted to have it so that she smells it infrequently. I think the infrequent reminders of my fragrance would work better than a constant reminder by smelling it all the time, and her brain will automatically tune out the smell after a while.

Ate sushi at Sushi Oyama on Kingsway. Ms. Y was one of those girls who didn't eat much. Took at all the rice from her sushi lol. I joked that she could have made another roll with all that rice. We had a good talk about school and Chinese names and other subject matter that escapes me. I footed the bill of $50, and then we went to some cafe near Royal Oak. There, she paid for tea and cake, and we also chatted for a while until the cafe closed. I got the impression that she wasn't a typical pretty girl. Focused on getting into shape, doesn't mind sweating to get the killer abs. Her view of marriage is akin to a life sentence, where one loses one's freedom. That view is fundamentally different than mine, where I see a marriage can enhance myself. Napoleon Hill explains it nicely in Chapter 11 of his book, Think and Grow Rich.

She seems very independent, with a "please myself before pleasing others" attitude, which I find is fine. I mean, ultimately, it's your own life, not someone else's, so you should come first before everyone else. Of course, there are going to be exceptions, like when one raises a family, one would place the family's needs above their own. But one can also argue that the reason why one would make sacrifices for the good of the family is because one is trying to fulfill one's desire to have a great family.

Anyway, so the cafe closed up. We walked out, and she was going to walk away, but I went in for the hug. I was like, "Wait a minute, don't people usually hug at this stage of the night?" And she replied with a laugh ,"Yeah, I guess so." Then I went in for the hug while stating it was standard protocol lol. I was lightening up the mood to make it not awkward, which it wasn't. It was a solid 2 second hug, and the only thing going through my mind at the time was, "Yessss, smell my expensive-ass fragrance that I sprayed on. Smell all 12 cents worth of fragrance on me." I'm pretty sure she got a good whiff. Hope she liked it lol.

Would I date her again? I don't know. She had her fob moments. Hard for me to understand her sometimes. She also made it clear she's not really actively seeking a partner, and she'll let whatever comes, come. Of course, I introduced her the idea that one should look for nothing less than an extraordinary partner, and just like having any other goal, the goal to get an awesome partner needs work and effort to obtain. Hopefully she'll think about it. If I don't factor in how she feels about dating, and just strictly on how I feel about her, I think I would date her again. She seemed intelligent, independent, mature, nice, and oh yeah, did I mention pretty yet?

However, once I factor in her thoughts and feelings on dating, boyfriends, and marriage, I think it would be much harder for me to snatch her up from the market, so to speak. Plus, I only have 3 months left before I jet to Korea. Although it would probably be a waste of time for me to date her for the sake of getting her as a partner, I think she'll make a good friend, so I'll continue hanging out with her for friend purposes.

Dating up the wealth ladder as a guy.

You see a girl you want to date, and she comes from a higher socioeconomic background than you. What to do?
Well, first thing is first, she is not going to be impressed with whatever you're going to buy for her. She has money, she can buy whatever the heck she wants. I think girls like that want stuff money can't buy, so you have to provide something for her that money can't buy, namely, a super boyfriend. No matter how much money she has, she can not go out and instantly purchase a boyfriend of superior quality. How her money serves her is to allow her to prospect from the pool of guys equal or greater than her socioeconomic status, aka other rich guys.

There are three types of rich guys. Guys who got rich on their own, and guys who are rich because their parents are rich, and do nothing to grow that existing wealth, and finally, guys who multiplied their parents fortune, surpassing the wealth accumulated by the parents. We can disregard the 2nd type of guy, because they are nothing but average Joes who were lucky enough to be born into a rich family. Types 1 and 3 are the main competition for the guy of lower socioeconomic status.

So, these guys are rich, and they have what it takes to stay rich. That reflects on their work ethic and intelligence. These guys are smart, and are willing to sweat. So work ethics wise, they're gold. What wealth can't buy for them is a great personality, and a caring heart. Not to say that there aren't rich guys out there who are also caring and are people magnets. I'm just saying that there are some rich folks who aren't such great people to be around with, one way or another.

So what does this little aside about rich guys mean for the not so rich guys? It means we can't compete with money, we can't compete with work ethic, and thus the only avenue for us to compete with them is through our inner beauty. We have to win the richer girls with our boundless love and care, and we also have to have great chemistry with the girls too. Money can't buy chemistry.

Where does this leave me? Well, I would have to work on being more thoughtful I guess. Now, I always have the girl's best interest at heart. What I consider myself lacking would be... "micromanagement" of care and thoughtfulness? Like, obviously for the big stuff it's easy. She got hurt in a car accident. Drop your shit, buy some flowers and gifts, spend time with her, comfort her, offer her silent confidence and assurance that everything is fine. She'll be calmer when she sees your inner strength and calmness.

What's not so easy is dealing with all the small daily idiosyncrasies of the partner. It's hard to notice the micro fluctuations of emotions and feelings that goes on throughout the day, and sometimes you want to nip problems in the bud before they develop into something bigger, but for me, sometimes it can be hard to notice the very VERY initial stages of a problem. So I guess what I need to work on is to notice the small details so I can preempt her needs and wishes, and take "caring" to the next level.

So that's what I myself have to work on to get the richer girls. I'm going to provide them with a boyfriend product that is rare in the market. For you guys, you'll have to work on your own issues. It all comes down to making the decision to become the better man, and to improve yourself daily. We poorer guys are inherently at a disadvantage due to the fact that we can't match the girl in terms of money, so we have to step up our game for everything else to make up for the fact that, no, we unfortunately can't join them on their 4 month Euro-trip with friends because of the $16k bill at the end of the trip, or no, we unfortunately can't dine at a 2 star Michelin rated restaurant every single weekend.