The One Sentence I Never Want to Hear

"I wish we could do that"

When I'm sitting in front of the TV with my future family, and a commercial comes on about cheap vacations to places like Spain or France, I don't want to hear my family say, "That looks fun. I wish we could do that.", which really translates to, "I wish we had enough money to partake in that activity, yet still have enough money for daily living expenses plus longer term financial commitments like the mortgage, car insurance, piano fees for the kids, etc etc. But alas, we can't, because we don't have enough. Therefore I have a longing to do the activity."

That really bums me out. I'd feel like a failure because I can't provide my family with what they want.

Instead, what I want to hear is, "Oh, we should do that next year!" or "Oh, remember when we went on that trip 3 years ago?"

Now, I know what you're thinking. Convolutionx, you can't always provide your family with everything, or else they'd grow up as ingrates and not appreciate what they have, and they'll be spoiled. Actually, I plan to constantly remind them how tough life really is by volunteering at a soup kitchen as a family like once a month to remind ourselves of our good fortune, plus I'll think of other stuff to do that will make them remember their fortunate position in life.

I also want their lives to be limited by their imagination, and not by money. If they have a dream or passion, I want them to pursue it, instead of having to worry about money.

Actually, that might be a lie. I might want my son, or daughter if I have no son, to carry on the family legacy and to secure a good life for my future generations down the line...

Which would be bad if all my kids wanted to do was to become something useless like a painter...

Hmmmm.

All in all, money makes the world go round. I'll get some one day. I swear to all the gods of new and old.

Game on again... for now.

Even though Ms. Zun is playing some sort of game, or doing some sort of maneuver that is making my life hell right now, she agreed (against her better judgement, maybe? That's what it sorta kinda felt like), for a second date. Now, this is just a really loose interpretation. Basically I was like, free Mon or Tues for dinner or coffee? She said she was busy these two days, but should be free Thursday. I've done enough SouthWestern to know a blow off when I see one, and this is like a textbook blow off, so I'm not getting my hopes up too high.
I decided to be a little creative and create a "prix fixe menu" for her to let her build her own date, so to speak. Gave her a choice to drive, or I drive, or get to the nature walk in separate cars. Gave her 3 choices for nature hikes, and they're all easy 1.5-2 hour walks. Super super super easy. Then I gave her a choice of 3 different eateries for after.

I don't know where we are in terms of relationship-wise. Obvs I'm barely BARELY thawing her icy shield. I don't even know how my progress is. It feels like driving in a dense fog with no headlights. I'm just going forward, but I can't tell where I'm going or how fast I'm going. I ain't gonna press on the brakes though. That's what losers do. I'm gonna keep on striving to melt her ice, until I break through, or until she tells me to fuck off, basically. So for now, I just gotta assume things are going well, and I just gotta assume we're at the stage where we can go for a hike in the sun without her having to worry that I'm gonna take her into the woods and stab her or something. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't suspect such a thing though... I mean, I uploaded sooooo many Facebook pics of me going hiking with girls and guys, and none of my friends ended up dead, and no one wrote on my wall complaining that I tried to kill them...

I'm pretty satisfied with my overall performance thus far. If it doesn't work out, I tried my best, and the "fault" would lie on her, rather than myself. I will still love me, and that's super important. Of course, I might not be satisfied with where I am in life, and I'd probably vow to improve myself, just like how I vow now everyday to improve myself. Even though I want to change, I still love me because I have the strength and determination to strive for the change.










In life, if you have no cheerleaders rooting for you, you gotta be your own cheerleader. #foreveralone #nahjkIgotfriends

Apollo, we have liftoff!

Well guys, I did it. I asked Ms. Zun out. I think she agreed to go out with me, though she didn't specifically say that. Here is how I asked her out. Maybe you can learn something from what I did. Maybe there are also things that I could have done better, so feel free to leave a comment about what you think.

 Basically it was during one of our typical lengthy Facebook chats when I asked her out, officially. It stemmed from when Ms. Zun revealed that she put some poor guy in the friendzone for two years, and it was because he wasn't upfront about how he felt about her. So I heard that, and I was like, yo screw this shit. #Yolo

 So I picked an opportune time during the chat to ask her out. Basically, I won't get into the extent nor the entirety of what I said, but I was upfront and confident. I told her that she was pretty, smart, funny, and I haven't met anyone else whom I had such a connection with. I told her that I was dating for 2 years, and I've never found anyone who I could date for more than 2-3 times. I also straight up told her, "Here's the game plan. Well, here's MY gameplan, and you can have whatever game plan you want." I then told her I was planning to take her out on a Foodie Tour, as well as go to the UBC Alumni weekend with the special guests, Adam Savage and Jame Hyneman. Then, I said that actually, there was one girl who I was able to click so much with, and she turned out to be my girlfriend for 3 years.

To diffuse that almost cocky remark that she was going to be my girlfriend, I told her that I wasn't telling her what to do. If during the first date she decides she doesn't like me and wants to pour a beverage over my head, she's free to do that. I'd even bring her a drink menu, help her pick the best beverage, and I'll even pay for it in the end. See, I showed confidence, and I plainly told her what I expect and what I want, but I negative sold it with the part about giving her freedom to dump drinks on my head. However, I did not give the choice of not even going on a first date with me. That would be disastrous for me.

 What did she say? She said I was very blunt about it, but she prefers it WAY (yes, all caps) more than if she had to guess, because she never would be able to. She also said I was pretty special too, and veeeery (that's right, 4 e's. It's legit) few guys are like me. (I set a good impression =D). Lastly, she said she has tonnes of random cravings, and things she wants to do/watch, "but guys who can also do some planning...thank you jesus." So I guess that's a yes.

We haven't set a specific time yet though, because we both have finals, and speaking of finals, I have to get studying again, but I just want to record what happened for posterity. I'm looking forward to the first date, and I have something up my sleeve, if executed right, will propel me light years from the boundaries of the friend zone. Wanna know what it is? Stick around for my next post =P

On motivation. What motivates me?

Let's start off with a quote from Harvey Specter:


Motivation is a very personal thing. There is no absolute one thing that is guaranteed to motivate everyone. However, there are some main areas in which many people are motivated by, and I think the things that motivate me are pretty ordinary, and should be motivation for many others as well.

A recent revelation of mine is that you don't exactly know when you'll meet your future partner. You could bump into her in a grocery store tomorrow, or she could message you after coming back on a dating website after a 2 year hiatus. Maybe you'll bump into her in a Starbucks in a Chapters bookstore. And when you do bump into her, you only have one chance to make the best impression you can. After that moment passes, if you weren't ready, you'll blow your only shot, and you'll never be with whom you were initially meant to be. If you don't immediately make her interested in you as a potential candidate, then sure, you could work your way into being friends with her, but then you'll just have your work cut out for you.

Let's take a pause. What do I mean by "not being ready"? Your future partner obviously doesn't want to date a fuck up, and wants to date someone successful and have their shit together. Your future partner wants to date you when you are at your best, and if you are not at your best, then you aren't ready for your future partner. You may be able to date girls when you're at your best, but secretly deep down, you know that special girl you always longed for is the one who's pretty, and smart, and kind, and gentle. You're gonna have to be on top of your game when you meet her to even get a chance to date her.

So for me, I am motivated to be at my best, 24/7 preferably, because I will never know if out of the blue, I'll meet The One. When I meet her, I need to be in top physical shape, my mind has to be at its sharpest, and I would have to be working in a stable and at least decently paying job. I just really hope that if I meet her prematurely before I'm ready, I'll still be able to make it work; I'll still be able to be with her, and have her wait for me to get my shit together. For the mean time, I hope my efforts and dedication to make something of myself down the road will be enough to temporarily attract The One long enough for me to complete my journey, or at least to be well on the way in my journey to success.

Another motivation for me to be at my best, and to want the best, is the fact that I have one life. We all got one shot in life to make the best of what we've got. We can't restart if we mess up. So at every moment of your life, you have to always make the best decisions. And since you only have one life, then might as well go big, right? You won't have another life to live it big. You won't have another life to experience what this world has to offer. So since you're here, you really should experience as much as you can before you die. That's why I want everything. I want to experience everything this world has to offer before I die, and that takes resources, mainly money, so it's a big motivation for me to make money.

On a related note, I also want my kids and my wife to have the best experience that life has to offer, so another motivation for me to make mad money is for my future family. I want my kids to have a start in life I never had. I don't want them to grow up in an intercity area, going to an intercity high school. I want them to receive the best education this planet has to offer. I also want my wife to live a life of comfort. I am hesitant to say a life of luxury, because I don't believe in luxury. I define luxury as having in your possession expensive material goods, like $14,000 hand bags and $200k cars. One doesn't need luxury to be happy, and certainly my girl wouldn't be one of those types of girls who chase after that crap. But I would still like to treat her out to experiences. IE: Dining at the best restaurants, going to exotic places, etc.

Lastly, my parents are my final motivation. I have mentioned this in my other posts, but my parents work 14 hour days in their restaurant, and it's been 8 years of them doing so. They're dying physically for my sister and my sake, putting us through school and life in general. Their efforts must be repaid. I want to provide them with a worry free retirement. It's the least I can do after their sacrifice. Again, it would require me to make money.

I have the lives of my parents, my wife, and my kids on my shoulders. If I fail, I'll be failing everyone, so failing is not an option. I have a burning desire to win, and I can't live a life of mediocrity if I want to win at life. Sometimes I'll have days where I don't feel like doing shit. I just wanna sit back and be lazy. But I think about all the stuff I want, and my want powers me. Lately, it's thoughts of Ms. Zun that powers me through life. I really need to be at my A game in order to date someone like her, and I'm afraid while I can put on the bravado of having an A game life, I don't have an A game life. I have an A game attitude, and that's all I have. And girls may date guys with an A game attitude, but if that A game attitude doesn't translate to an A game life, then it's harder to keep them with you. And if you truly loved her, would you want her to be with you, living in a B game or C game life, when there are other guys who can provide her with an A game life, and who cares about her just as much as you? I'd be like, "Yo, that guy's richer, he can provide you with more comforts. He is also as thoughtful and loving as me. You should be with that guy instead of me, because although I love you, and I personally want to be with you, it is because I love you that I want you to have the best life possible. I believe the best life possible for you is not with me, but with that guy instead."

I don't want to have to say that line though. I want to be able to say, "Yo, I love you as much as that other guy. I'm also just as thoughtful. I also am living an A game life, while he's only living a C game life. I've got my shit in order, and I'm prepared to care for you way better than the other guy."

The date

So I had a meetup/date with Ms. Y. It went really well, I think. She was very pretty for sure, but I wasn't nervous at all. I owned the date like I own interviews. I think she was more nervous than me at first for some reason haha. Maybe it was because I was in my favourite Calvin Klein blue dress shirt. I did look pretty spiffy, if I must say so myself. I gotta. No amount of money can buy another first impression, so I gotta do it right the first time. I also had two shots of YSL La Nuit de l'Homme fragrance as well. Two shots is pretty conservative, because the general consensus is 3-4 shots would be good, but I didn't want to make the smell obvious. I wanted to have it so that she smells it infrequently. I think the infrequent reminders of my fragrance would work better than a constant reminder by smelling it all the time, and her brain will automatically tune out the smell after a while.

Ate sushi at Sushi Oyama on Kingsway. Ms. Y was one of those girls who didn't eat much. Took at all the rice from her sushi lol. I joked that she could have made another roll with all that rice. We had a good talk about school and Chinese names and other subject matter that escapes me. I footed the bill of $50, and then we went to some cafe near Royal Oak. There, she paid for tea and cake, and we also chatted for a while until the cafe closed. I got the impression that she wasn't a typical pretty girl. Focused on getting into shape, doesn't mind sweating to get the killer abs. Her view of marriage is akin to a life sentence, where one loses one's freedom. That view is fundamentally different than mine, where I see a marriage can enhance myself. Napoleon Hill explains it nicely in Chapter 11 of his book, Think and Grow Rich.

She seems very independent, with a "please myself before pleasing others" attitude, which I find is fine. I mean, ultimately, it's your own life, not someone else's, so you should come first before everyone else. Of course, there are going to be exceptions, like when one raises a family, one would place the family's needs above their own. But one can also argue that the reason why one would make sacrifices for the good of the family is because one is trying to fulfill one's desire to have a great family.

Anyway, so the cafe closed up. We walked out, and she was going to walk away, but I went in for the hug. I was like, "Wait a minute, don't people usually hug at this stage of the night?" And she replied with a laugh ,"Yeah, I guess so." Then I went in for the hug while stating it was standard protocol lol. I was lightening up the mood to make it not awkward, which it wasn't. It was a solid 2 second hug, and the only thing going through my mind at the time was, "Yessss, smell my expensive-ass fragrance that I sprayed on. Smell all 12 cents worth of fragrance on me." I'm pretty sure she got a good whiff. Hope she liked it lol.

Would I date her again? I don't know. She had her fob moments. Hard for me to understand her sometimes. She also made it clear she's not really actively seeking a partner, and she'll let whatever comes, come. Of course, I introduced her the idea that one should look for nothing less than an extraordinary partner, and just like having any other goal, the goal to get an awesome partner needs work and effort to obtain. Hopefully she'll think about it. If I don't factor in how she feels about dating, and just strictly on how I feel about her, I think I would date her again. She seemed intelligent, independent, mature, nice, and oh yeah, did I mention pretty yet?

However, once I factor in her thoughts and feelings on dating, boyfriends, and marriage, I think it would be much harder for me to snatch her up from the market, so to speak. Plus, I only have 3 months left before I jet to Korea. Although it would probably be a waste of time for me to date her for the sake of getting her as a partner, I think she'll make a good friend, so I'll continue hanging out with her for friend purposes.