Game Over

Yup, game over. Something happened and Ms. Zun is like distancing herself away from me. Doesn't reply to my shit on time, and by on time i mean within 8 hours. It's pretty terrible. I'd initiate the convo and talk about 3-4 different things, in 3-4 different consecutive messages on Facebook, and she'd only reply to one of the topics, a day later. I'd ask her how her day was like 4 times on 4 separate occasions on different days, and she has yet to tell me how her day went. It's fucking terrible. Among the items I talk about, one of em would be asking her availability during the week for a meet up, and she would never reply with an answer to my questions. I think I give up on starting any relationship with her. Now, I'm stubborn, and I won't admit defeat until I get a resounding no, so my new goal is just to squeeze a no from her so I can drop this without lingering thoughts of "What if I tried harder... maybe she would have said yes."

Am I sad? I am sad at the fact that potentially I could have been exponentially happier than I am now, but I have lost that possibility. Even though overall, excluding emotions brought about due to her, I'm pretty happy, I could still be happier if she was The One, and I managed to initiate a relationship with her. I don't need her. My lungs still work without her. My heart still beats without her. Do I want her? I thought I wanted her. After all, I have never met a girl who filled out my checklist, or at least a very large majority anyway. Of course I wanted her. But I guess it just isn't meant to be. I can actually find something to be grateful about in this scenario, in this one timeline out of millions. I can go to Korea knowing that I have left nothing behind me back in Canada. I don't have to go through the whole Long Distance Relationship thing.

And what can I learn from this experience. I don't know. Not to write her a poem next time? I dunno if it was the poem that did me in or not though, that's the thing. She might inherently not be ready for me, and no matter what I did or didn't do, she would probably still not have liked me back.

Ah! Yes, the most important lesson of all: She proves that it is possible to find someone with all 3 qualities.

I'll keep looking... but for now, back to POF.

EDIT: She posted this the next day

there's someone else who's been asking me out and right now i'm just getting really confused

I knew it. I fricking knew it.