Fuck. GG. Well, not rly. Ms. Zun ignored my offer. Replied back, but at a time when she's already in Chilliwack at 9:55 pm. IE: Here's a forced "No" on you, and you can't do anything about it because it's 9:55 pm and I'm in Chilliwack and you're in Surrey."
It's fine, she prob had plans for tonight's meteor shower. We're clearly at different stages of love. I'm practically head over heels... needlessly and I probably shouldn't be. She's taking this cautiously. Fuck me. I wanna give her so much of myself, but I have to hold it back because there's stuff you don't do while still in the very initial stages of the relationship. But in the middle of a deep relationship, that stuff would be fine.
IE: If we were 2 years in, it would be sweet if I suggested taking her to Abbotsford to view the meteor shower. If we were 1 month in... no, if we weren't even together, and if we were only testing the waters, then it would be viewed as desperate. Why the fuck is that the case? It's lame. So lame. Is it wrong for me to love with all my heart? I only have 1 mode, that's it. It's like my powerlevel is over 9000, but I gotta put a limiter on myself or else all these mortals around me will disintegrate from my pure energy.
I hate that I have to limit myself, but I guess I have to. Maybe my heart has been on my sleeve too long and I gotta grab it back, and conceal it again. This emotional rollercoaster is hard to deal with.
Objective analysis time:
I gave her an option to go with me. She neither had a straight up yes or no.
Interpretation: She wanted to say no, but couldn't do it in a direct way, which resulted in an indirect no.
Why couldn't she say no directly? She's not the direct type.
Why would she say no? A myriad of reasons.
1. She doesn't wanna hang out with me today.
2. She wants to hang out with me, but already made plans with others, and didn't want to include me.
3. She wants to hang out with me, but doesn't want to make it seem like she's too desperate so she said no.
4. She doesn't want to go to Abbotsford, but somewhere closer.
1 = ouch, nothin I can do
2 = she needs more time to know me, and eventually she'll acclimatize me to her friends.
3 = she's not a dating pro, she won't do that move
4 = I'm actually not sure if I interpreted her message right. Maybe she's not in Chilliwack. If she was though, this would not be a valid reason
I did text her at like 1am about the meteor shower, and she practically replied right away...
She's naive. It could just be that she doesn't know the rules, and just texted back cuz it was convenient. She always has her phone with her. If she doesn't text back right away, it's either cuz she's busy, or she is playing the texting game. Either way, she would have read the message immediately. Is there a silver lining from this fact that she msged me back right away? I doubt it.
Overall... bad outcome for today.
Could money have solved this problem? No.
What could have solved this problem? Nothing. I had two choices: Offer her an invite. Not offer her an invite. Outcome of not offering her an invite? Not being able to see the shower with her tonight. Outcome of offering her an invite? A slim possibility of seeing her tonight, seeing a shower together. High possibility of getting a "No". Which is the best outcome? I'd say the second one is, so therefore I made the right choice by offering her an invite to give myself a slim chance of seeing her. I'd take a slim chance over no chance any day. I did the right move today. I should be happy.
Sidenote, spent the majority of the day with my friend. Hard to believe that I once liked her. Had a Pinkberry froyo groupon I would have used on Ms. Zun, but used it on my friend instead. It's fine, cuz she's my friend. Walked around a bit in Metro, then went to Coquitlam to knock on doors for food donations as part of foodshareday.org . We collected 70.5 lbs of food between 3 people, with my froyo friend being one of em. Then I dropped my froyo friend home, and decided to watch the meteor shower with her. Her bro and our mutual guy friend came along, which is fine. I didn't care. Kinda cold windy night. Laid towels on the grass. They all lied down, and I was gonna lie down on my car, when my froyo friend told me to lie down beside her. I'm like, hmmmm, intimate, but sadly, not with Ms. Zun. I lied there beside her, and I thought to myself, there was once a time where I would have relished this moment. But no, not tonight. All I thought about was Ms. Zun. Effing hell. It's like I'm sick, the way I'm afflicted with this disease of my mind. I guess that's why they call it lovesick.
Alright, so what's the battle plan? Date 2 finished, didn't get neg vibes. Date 3 should be a go. I have to plan date 3. This will be tough... to plan something unique. She has money, that Ms. Zun. She prob did more things than I have ever done in my life... except for hiking. I am the king of that domain by a long shot. And I guess scuba. And wine tasting. I guess I have some stuff up my sleeve too. Oh boy I'm tired. It's like almost 3 am. But I gotta type this all out. I just gotta. Or else I wouldn't even be able to fall asleep. This shit bothers me so much.
Side side note: Took pics of me and my two female foodshareday compadres. If Ms. Zun sees it, I hope she gets jelly. Damn, I'm .... what's the word... petty? I dunno, maybe I am. I just hate feeling this way, so helpless and depressed that I can't seem to do anything to move this relationship along. At least the direction of movement is right... but it's hard to tell. I'll spend tonight in bed thinking of what kind of activity I can do with Ms. Zun. Oh yeah, fking today, she's gonna go see the Mythbusters at UBC Alumni Weekend. And I was planning to go with her, but she's going with her friends instead. Fuck, I am sooooo bitter. Sooo choked. I finally realized since I can't be integrated with her friends, I have to grab her on a specific day when she's not hanging out with them, which is rare, because she's always doing something with someone. Fuck me. I'm gonna go pray some more. Lord, help me guide my way. Guide me, show me the path. Show me how I can win Ms. Zun. If you show me I will follow.
Side Side Side Note: Meteor shower was shitty. Didn't see shit. Pinkberry was average.
Let the games continue tomorrow.
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